A Familiar Stranger
by madeleine68
Summary: Olivia never knew her father, but she wishes more than anything that she did. Alex and Olivia are nine in this story. AU CHAPTER SIXTEEN IS UP! Review for more!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Okay, okay, confession time. Nothing belongs to me. Everything belongs to Dick Wolf. You know it.**

**In this story, Olivia and Alex are nine years old, so obvious AU. I took a bit of poetic license, because **_**Philadelphia **_**and **_**Florida **_**happened, but there may be a few continuity errors. Enjoy!**

Olivia had never known her father. All her life, she'd felt there was a gaping hold where he should have been. But he wasn't and she had to accept that.

When she was younger, she'd pretended many things about her father. Some days he was a king a prince of some exotic country, and she imagined that one day he would come and whisk her away from the hell that was her life. Other days, he was a famous actor or musician and he travelled the world, performing. Someday, she would travel with him. And some days, he was just a normal guy, but one who loved her very, very much. She would be his princess, his baby girl, and he would carry her on his shoulders and show her off, boasting with a paternal air of pride, "This is my Olivia." _My _Olivia. She'd never been anyone's Olivia in her life, and she tried to imagine how it would feel.

But she was nine now, too old for such childish fancies. Her ninth birthday present had been the truth about her father, in the form of a bottle hurled again against the living room wall and a slurred voice screeching, "You're just like your father!" to which Olivia had replied, "Good! I'd rather be like him than like _you_!"

She should have known better. Her mother had backhanded her across the face, then grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard. "He raped me, you ungrateful little brat. Do you know what that means?"

Olivia did, but she couldn't believe it of the man who she'd held on a pedestal for as long as she could remember. She had stubbornly shaken her head. "You're lying. My daddy would never do that!"

That had earned her another smack and her mother had sneered. "That man is a monster. I should leave you in a room for a couple hours, see how you feel after that." And then she had turned and stalked away, albeit unsteadily.

Olivia had stood there for a moment, stunned. Her mother's harsh words had hurt more than the slap.

Today, she kept her head down as she left her house, gently closing the door behind her. She shivered in the cool autumn air as a gust of wind ruffled her hair, but she didn't have a jacket, so she hastened her pace. She hurried the two streets over to her best – her _only _– friend's house.

Alex answered the door on the first knock. She greeted her friend with a smile, then knitted her brows. "It's cold out there. Where's your coat?" Olivia shrugged and Alex sighed, beckoning her inside. "Here. Use one of mine."

Olivia was uncomfortable with that and she shook her head. "I'm okay." She didn't want to accept charity, especially from Alex.

"Take it," said Alex dismissively. "I've got lots of coats anyway."

Olivia looked at the ground, but she obediently took the jacket. It was warm and it looked new, and it was probably the nicest thing she'd ever worn. But she didn't want to tell Alex that. Alex's family had money, more money than Olivia could even dream of, and she knew that Alex wouldn't understand.

Alex pulled on a pair of brown flats. "Just a minute," she said to Olivia. "I need to grab my lunch."

As if on cue, Olivia's stomach growled, and Alex shot her a look of concern before disappearing into the kitchen. She returned a moment later with her lunch bag and a banana. She handed the banana to Olivia, who ate it even though she really thought she shouldn't, but she was hungry and her stomach was throbbing.

"Bye, girls," called Mr. Cabot from the other room. "Have a good day at school."

Olivia felt a familiar pang of sadness at his words. Everything she knew about families, she'd learned from Alex's parents. She and Alex were as close as sisters and the Cabots treated her like a second daughter. They gave her presents for Christmas and let her stay at their house whenever her own got too much to bear. They took her to the dentist and helped her with her math homework when she didn't understand. Mrs. Cabot took her shopping with Alex and bought her whatever she wanted, even though she never asked for much. It was almost as good as a family of her own. _Almost._

"Bye, Daddy!" Alex called back, then turned to Olivia. "Let's go."

Olivia pulled the coat tightly around her and followed Alex out of the house.

"Are you ready for the science test?" asked Alex as they started on their way to school.

Olivia shrugged. "Not really."

"Did you study?"

Olivia shook her head. "Did you?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Of course."

"Yeah, you're going to ace it. Like you always do."

Alex was trying unsuccessfully not to look too proud of herself. She always aced every test, while Olivia's grades flip flopped all over the place. Some days she got perfect on her tests and some days she failed. Her teacher was perplexed and attributed it to not trying hard enough, and she was always on Olivia's back about studying harder. Olivia ignored the nagging when she could, and with Alex (who was every teacher's pet) on her side, it wasn't too bad.

They reached the school and went inside, taking their seats in their fourth grade classroom. They sat beside each other, at the front of the room, because Alex couldn't see the board from the back and sometimes didn't wear her glasses. Alex took out her history textbook and started to copy the notes on the board. She looked expectantly at Olivia. "Aren't you going to take the notes? I'll lend you a piece of paper."

Olivia shrugged. "Photocopy yours for me."

Alex lightly punched her shoulder. "So demanding."

Olivia whimpered when Alex's hand came into contact with a bruise on her arm and Alex looked at her in concern.

"Are you okay?"

Olivia nodded. She didn't really want to have this discussion with Alex right now. Alex knew a bit about her mother – she knew that Serena Benson was an alcoholic and she knew that sometimes she hit Olivia – but she didn't know the full extent of it. And Olivia wasn't about to tell her. "I'm fine," she said quickly, but not very convincingly.

Alex stared at her for another moment, then obediently dropped the subject. "I'll photocopy them tonight," she said gently.

Sometimes Olivia wondered if maybe Alex knew more about her home life than she let on, but she was just glad that her friend hadn't pushed her to talk about something she didn't want to discuss.

She leaned back in her seat, wincing when her battered back came into contact with the hard wood of the chair, and waited for the bell to ring.

Her teacher, Mrs. Blake, came into the room a moment later. She gave Alex a smile. "Good morning, Alex." Then she turned to Olivia, the smile becoming a little bit more forced. Olivia couldn't tell if it was because of the fresh bruise on her cheek or because of her. "Good morning, Olivia."

Alex smiled back, but Olivia just stared, stony-faced.

Her teacher knelt down beside Olivia. "Copy down the note, please, Olivia."

Olivia didn't look at her but _past _her. She was looking right into Mrs. Blake's eyes, but she wasn't seeing her teacher. She was seeing an expanse of black, endless space that was beyond her and this classroom. It helped her keep things in perspective, reminded her how small she really was – how small her problems were. As big as they might seem to her, it was all relative to the bigger picture. What was another nine-year-old wearing a sweatshirt in the sweltering heat of mid-July, trying futilely to cover up layers of bruises? What did it mean to the world? What did her happiness mean to the world? What did it matter?

It didn't, and she could take whatever her mother doled out when she thought of it that way. As long as she could function relatively well, it was okay.

"Olivia," said her teacher sharply. "Did you hear what I said?"

Olivia snapped to attention, glaring at Mrs. Blake. "I heard. I just chose to ignore it."

"Well, please do as I asked."

Olivia glanced at Alex, then back at her teacher. "I respectfully decline."

Mrs. Blake sighed and seemed to give up the fight. She turned and walked back to her desk.

Alex looked at Olivia. "You know, I really wish you wouldn't."

"Wouldn't what?"

"Talk back to teachers."

Olivia sighed, then met Alex's eyes. "Yes, I do." Alex didn't understand. When she put on a nonchalant, smart aleck exterior, she was okay. When she had on that mask, she was safe.

**So did you like this chapter? Review if you want the next one!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all of your reviews! I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. I hope you like this one. Sorry for its shortness; the next one will be longer.**

They brought out Alex's jump rope for recess and recruited two other girls to play. Alex and Olivia turned the ropes while Casey and Abbie jumped. Then they switched, and Alex and Olivia attempted (and failed at) Double Dutch.

A boy from their class, Elliot, ran up to the girls. "Olivia, there's a guy here to see you."

She narrowed her eyes. "Who?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't ask."

Olivia sighed. "Where?"

Elliot pointed to a relatively secluded area beside the parking lot and Olivia hurried over there, hoping it wasn't one of her mother's boyfriends for some obscure reason.

There was a black Lexus waiting for her in the parking lot and that eliminated any and all of her mother's boyfriends. Most of them were street trash and they wouldn't have been able to afford a car like this in a million years. She hesitantly approached the vehicle, but it was empty.

"'Livia?"

She jumped at the words and followed the sound to an area a few feet away in the bushes. There was a little boy with curly dark hair sitting cross-legged on the grass. He looked to be about five years old and his dark eyes twinkled as he smiled up at her.

"Are you 'Livia Benson?" he lisped.

"Yeah," she replied cautiously. "Who are you?"

He smiled impishly and held out his hand. "I'm Simon," he said. "I'm five, and I know you. You're 'Livia and you're nine. You're bigger than me."

She shook Simon's hand gingerly, staring at him for a moment. "Why are you here?"

He shrugged. "Daddy told me I should come to see you. He dropped me off. He's waitin' for me. He wants to meet you too, but not today."

"Why does he want to meet me?" asked Olivia suspiciously.

Simon shrugged again. "I dunno. He knows your mommy, I think, but he told me to tell you not to tell her you saw him."

"But I didn't," said Olivia blankly.

"I dunno," repeated Simon. "I'm just tellin' you what he told me."

"Do I know your daddy?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No, but Daddy knows you."

That frightened Olivia a little bit, but she tried to reassure herself. She was talking to a five-year-old after all, not a grown man with a belt.

"Anyways, 'Livia, I gotta go. I have school this afternoon – kindergarten. So I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay? Will you meet me here?"

"Yeah," agreed Olivia blankly. "Okay."

She watched Simon trot off and climb into the backseat of the Lexus as the car drove away.

Olivia couldn't make sense of it, and she didn't even try. She just went back to Alex, Abbie, and Casey, who were still jumping rope. By now, Kathy, Serena, and Monique had joined their group, and Alex was sitting off to the side. "Who was it, Liv?" she asked Olivia.

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know."

Alex folded her arms. "Really, Olivia. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but don't –"

"No, I – there was this little kid named Simon. He's five. He said he'd come back tomorrow." She shook her head as if to clear it. "It was really weird."

"I'll come with you tomorrow," offered Alex.

Olivia shook her head. "It's okay. It's just – I don't think he's dangerous or anything. He's just a little kid. But he's _weird_. He knows me and he knows about me. He says his father knows my mother."

"Ever read Oliver Twist?"

Olivia shook her head. "Why should I read books when you can read them for me and tell me what's in them?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Kids can be just as dangerous as adults. I'll come with you."

Olivia was too confused to argue. She didn't know what to make of this whole situation. "Okay." She turned back to the group of girls jumping rope. Abbie and Casey were spinning the rope while Serena jumped. She walked back toward them. "Can I jump?"

Serena nodded agreeably and stepped away to let Olivia jump.

* * *

When she got home from school that day, Olivia lay on her bed and tried to make sense of the day's events. Her mind was racing a million miles a minute. Who was Simon and why had he been to see her? Who was his father and how did he know her mother? Most of all, how did they know about _her_?

There were so many questions but she couldn't come up with any answers. She would have to wait until tomorrow.

**So . . . do you want chapter three? If so, review!**


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia was sitting in the bushes the next day, clutching Alex's hand as they awaited the mysterious little boy she'd seen yesterday – Simon. She didn't want to admit it, but she was afraid. And the fresh bruise on her face, courtesy of an intoxicated Serena Benson, did little to help matters.

Both girls looked up at the sound of footsteps, and they saw Simon trotting toward them. "Hey, 'Livia," he said with a lopsided smile. He gestured to Olivia's black and blue cheek. "What happened to your face?"

"Nothing," said Olivia quickly. "Simon, this is Alex. She's my best friend."

"Hi, Alex," said Simon, grinning. "I'm Simon."

"Hi," said Alex.

"'Livia," said Simon. "My daddy wants to meet you. He's comin' in a sec."

Olivia shifted uncomfortably. "How come he wants to meet me?"

Simon frowned. "I told you yesterday, I dunno. Ask him."

A few moments later, a tall, sturdy man with a mop of curly dark hair and tanned, olive skin sauntered toward them. Involuntarily, Olivia shivered. There was something wrong with this picture, that she knew, but what was it? She knew this man shouldn't be here and she shouldn't be talking to him, but she didn't know why.

"Hello, Olivia," he said in a silky smooth voice. He looked at her for a moment, then rested a meaty hand on her shoulder. "I've waited so long for this day," he said, almost nostalgically.

"Why?" asked Olivia, even though she knew she probably shouldn't.

"All in good time," replied the man, extending his hand for her to shake. "For now, you can call me Joe."

Olivia reluctantly shook his hand. She still had a bad feeling about this man, but there was something about him that kept her rooted to the spot. "This is my best friend, Alex," she said instead, gesturing to the blonde standing beside her, who was looking increasingly uncomfortable.

He gave Alex a smile and shook her hand too. "Hi, Alex."

"Hello," she said icily, and Olivia could see that Alex wasn't exactly sure what to make of this man – Joe.

He knelt down beside Olivia. "You know what? I was thinking maybe we could go out for ice cream or something, get to know each other."

"Why?" asked Olivia again.

He shrugged. "I want to get to know you. You'll understand in time."

Olivia looked at Alex, whose lack of enthusiasm was a clear warning. But she turned back to Joe. "Can Alex come?"

"If she wants to. I'd like to meet your friends."

Olivia smiled shyly. "Okay."

"I'll go tell Ms. Blake," offered Alex.

"No," said Olivia firmly. "She'll call my mother."

"I want someone to know where we're going."

"We're leaving in two minutes, with or without you. Make a decision."

Olivia didn't know why, but she was excited to go out with Joe and Simon. She'd never met them before, and there was something about them that made her a bit uneasy, but they seemed to genuinely care about her. Aside from Alex's family, no one had really cared about her before, not even her mother. _Especially _not her mother.

Olivia climbed into the backseat of Joe's Lexus, sandwiched between Simon in his car seat and Alex on the other side, whose disapproving expression conveyed what a bad idea she thought this was.

"You don't have to come," Olivia told her quietly.

Alex shook her head and readjusted her glasses. "We're best friends and we stick together. That means you don't go anywhere without me."

"If you don't want to –"

"Be quiet, Olivia," snapped Alex, and Olivia smiled to herself. Alex was so loyal. Even if she thought this was a bad idea, she would stay by Olivia's side. Olivia could always count on her and she knew that. It comforted her when all else failed.

"Where are we goin', Daddy?" asked Simon, kicking his little legs against the front seat.

"Don't do that, buddy," Joe admonished gently.

"Sorry, Daddy. Where are we goin'?"

"I was thinking we'd go to Dairy Queen. How does that sound to you girls?"

"Good," agreed Olivia, and Alex nodded.

"Okay then. Dairy Queen it is."

Simon clapped his hands together and grinned. "Yay!"

Olivia smiled ruefully at the little boy. He was adorable. But still, he and his father were such enigmas. Again, Olivia wondered about them, but then she decided to try to put her cynicism aside and just accept that she could create a friendship with them. It didn't matter _why_.

They arrived at Dairy Queen a few minutes later and went inside. Alex and Olivia decided to share a banana split and Simon and Joe shared a brownie earthquake. They sat down at a table and started their treats.

"Thank you for the ice cream," said Alex politely.

Olivia looked up from the banana she was spearing with her fork. "Yeah, thank you," she echoed with a sheepish smile.

Simon handed Olivia a brownie. "Want a brownie, 'Livia? They're yummy."

"Thanks," said Olivia, taking it from him and putting it in her mouth.

"So, Olivia," said Joe, shovelling a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. "You're nine years old, right?"

Olivia nodded. She didn't speak because her mouth was full.

"So you're in grade four?"

Olivia swallowed and nodded again. "Alex is in my class."

"Do you like school?"

Olivia shrugged. "It's okay. My best subject is science."

Joe leaned forward in his chair. "Tell me about your mother."

Olivia shifted uncomfortably. "What about her?"

He shrugged. "How's she doing?"

"Fine," said Olivia quietly, wondering where he was going with this.

"Did she ever tell you about me?"

Olivia stared at him, confused. "No."

He looked a bit disappointed. "Oh." He hesitated. "Maybe once we get to know each other a bit better, I can come over to see her. We used to be friends, you know. Really good friends."

"I got a really good friend," said Simon, clearly wanting to be included in the conversation. "His name's Marco and we play t-ball together, 'cause we're too young for Little League. But Marco's got a big brother and he's ten, and he plays baseball, and he says it's cool. Do you play any sports, 'Livia?"

"Not really," replied Olivia.

"What about you, Alex?" asked Simon.

"I do competitive swimming and dancing," she told him. "I did a jazz competition last month, which was good, but I think I'm going to quit soon."

"Why?"

"Too much of a commitment," she explained. "I sometimes don't have enough time for things I want to do and sometimes I have to miss a day of school."

"I wouldn't mind that," remarked Olivia.

"I like school," said Simon. "I go to kindergarten, but next year, I get to go to grade one!"

They chatted over ice cream for the next half hour and Olivia gradually felt herself relaxing into the environment. It was almost redolent of her time with the Cabots, the way they always made her feel so welcome and cared for.

Joe dropped her and Alex back at school before lunch. "I'll see you tomorrow, Olivia!" he called. "It was nice meeting you, Alex."

"It was nice meeting you, too," replied Alex politely. "Thank you for the ice cream."

Alex and Olivia walked back into the school, hand in hand.

"Who is he?" asked Alex as they started toward their classroom.

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know, but he knows my mother."

Alex knitted her brows. "I'm not sure if spending time with him is a good idea, Liv. You don't know him, and your mother – no offense – spends time with some pretty shady guys."

"I know." Olivia sighed. "But he has a kid. How bad can he be? And he seems nice."

"He does," agreed Alex. "But you never know."

"Stop worrying! Sheesh, can't you just accept that something might be going _right _for me and it's not some kind of Pandora's box?"

Alex looked offended. She pulled her hand out of Olivia's and stalked toward their classroom.

Olivia sighed again. "Look, I'm sorry, Alex. Thanks for coming with me. I appreciate it." She gave Alex a hug. "You're a great friend."

**So should I continue with this? Review if you want chapter four!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for how long I left this on hiatus. I was busy with a couple of my other stories, but I think I'm going to go back to this one now. Enjoy!**

After school that day, Olivia went home with Alex. The boyfriend _du jour _made Olivia particularly uncomfortable and she didn't want to be at her house today. Of course, she hadn't told Alex that. She'd just asked her if she could come over, and Alex had agreed.

"Hi, girls," Alex's mother greeted them when they came inside. "How was school?"

Olivia kicked off her shoes and Alex removed hers, arranging them neatly against the wall before smiling up at her mother. "Hi, Mommy." She made a face. "We've got homework."

Her mother smiled. "I'll get you some cookies and milk while you work on it, okay?"

Alex nodded. "Okay."

Olivia followed Alex into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Alex pulled out her math textbook, two pencils, and a few sheets of lined paper. She handed one of the pencils and piece of paper to Olivia, then tidily dated the page and wrote her name in her neatest printing.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You don't have to be so meticulous." Then she smiled smugly, proud at having used a fifty cent word. But she didn't really mind having to do her homework first; that was Alex's parents' rule. Before they did anything else, they had to finish their homework.

Mrs. Cabot brought the girls a plate of chocolate chip cookies and two glasses of milk. "They just came out of the oven, so be careful," she warned.

"Thank you, Mommy," said Alex sweetly.

"Thanks," Olivia echoed, taking a bite anyway and burning her tongue.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Do you take _anything _for granted?"

Olivia shrugged, taking a sip of cool milk to soothe the fire in her mouth. "No."

Alex efficiently filled out the first twenty questions on her math worksheet, then turned to Olivia, who was still struggling with the seventh. She daintily bit into a cookie, chewed and swallowed, then crossed her arms. "Do you need some help, Liv?" she asked amiably.

Olivia growled. "I don't want to do math," she complained. "Can I copy yours?"

She started to grab the sheet, but Alex lightly slapped her hand away, yanking the paper out of her reach. "No."

Olivia whined and gave Alex her sweetest smile. "Please?"

"No," repeated Alex.

Olivia gave Alex her best puppy dog eyes. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

Alex relented. "Fine." She handed Olivia her homework and Olivia grinned as she copied it.

When she was done, she shoved the piece of paper in her binder and took another cookie. "Done."

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

Olivia thought about it. "What movie?"

"We got the new princess movie."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "_No_."

Alex raised her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. What do _you _want to watch?"

"Do you have _Bolt_?"

Alex nodded, rummaging around in her video cupboard and raising it triumphantly. "Got it!"

"Cool."

They watched the movie, and when it was over, it was nearly dinnertime.

"I should probably be getting home," said Olivia reluctantly. "My mom will be upset if I'm not back."

Alex regarded her with concern. "Why don't you spend the night? You can call her and tell her. She won't mind."

Olivia hesitated. "I'll need to get my pajamas."

"You can use some of mine," Alex offered.

"It's okay. I'll run home and be back in an hour."

Alex sighed, but reluctantly agreed. "See you in an hour."

* * *

One hour and thirty-six minutes later, an exhausted Olivia returned with a pair of pajamas and clothes for tomorrow, along with a toothbrush and a hairbrush.

Alex let her in right away, furrowing her brow in concern. "What took you so long? I was starting to worry."

Olivia shrugged and flopped down on Alex's couch, wincing as she did so.

Alex caught the look on her face. "Are you okay? What did she do to you?"

Olivia shrugged again, trying to seem nonchalant. "She spanked me."

"She shouldn't be hurting you, Liv," said Alex softly, sitting down beside Olivia and wrapping her arms around her friend.

"I'm okay," Olivia told her, but her words sounded hollow.

Alex sighed. "You could talk to my mom, Liv. She would help you."

"No," snapped Olivia. "Drop it, Alex."

Alex sighed again. "Okay, fine. My dad's making hamburgers for dinner. He wanted me to ask you if that was okay."

"It's fine," she said, but made no move to extricate herself from Alex's grasp.

"Do you want to play a game?" asked Alex.

Olivia shrugged. "What game?"

"We just got Break the Safe. Or we could play Monopoly: Here and Now. Or we could play –"

"Break the Safe is fine," said Olivia quickly.

Alex let go of her and beckoned for Olivia to follow her up to her bedroom.

They played Break the Safe and had dinner and watched another movie before bed. Then they changed into their pajamas and Alex's mother came in to say goodnight. She gave Alex a kiss on the forehead, then did the same for Olivia.

"'Night, Mommy," murmured Alex.

"Sleep tight, girls," said Mrs. Cabot, leaving the door open a crack, the way Olivia liked it. She could never sleep with the door closed, and Alex didn't mind leaving it open when Olivia was over.

When Olivia finally drifted off to sleep, she dreamed of her father for the first time in months. But in her dreams, her father had Joe's face.

**Review for chapter five!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I know this one's really short, but I thought you might appreciate the quick update since this story has been on hiatus for so long. Enjoy!**

The next day it was raining, so Mr. Cabot drove Alex and Olivia to school on his way to work.

At lunchtime, Joe showed up again. Olivia found him waiting for her in his Lexus in the parking lot. "Do you and your friend want to come out for lunch?" he asked her.

Olivia glanced hesitantly at Alex. "Do you want to?"

Alex looked uncertain. "I don't think so."

Olivia looked disappointed. "Are you sure?"

Alex sighed but didn't say anything.

Olivia gave Alex her best puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

"Come with us!" called Simon from the backseat, rolling down his window.

Alex hesitated, then finally gave in. "Okay."

Olivia smiled and they climbed into the backseat next to Simon. "We don't have a lot of time, so do you just want to get a burger or something from McDonald's?"

"Sure," agreed Olivia.

Alex made a face and Olivia smirked. She knew that Alex had probably never eaten fast food in her entire life. The Cabots just didn't do that sort of thing. They went out to fancy Italian restaurants and places with foods Olivia couldn't pronounce, much less than recognize.

They went out to McDonald's and the kids shared an order of chicken fingers. Alex had two, just to be polite, which made Olivia smile.

"Joe," asked Olivia suddenly. "How did you know my mom?" She'd wanted to ask him this for a long time, but she'd never been able to find the words.

"When we were in college," he answered.

Olivia cocked her head. "Oh." She hesitated. "What was she like in college?"

He shrugged. "She was a good friend. Smart. Really smart. Like you."

Olivia smiled. "Thanks."

"You look just like her," said Joe.

Olivia hesitated, knowing she shouldn't ask the one question she desperately wanted to. "Do you know anything about my father?"

Joe cleared his throat. "What has your mother told you about him?"

Olivia glanced at Alex and then at Simon. She knew this was inappropriate lunchtime conversation, especially in front of a five-year-old and her best friend. But she wanted so badly for Joe to answer her question! She had a feeling that he held the key to the mystery of her father. So she said it anyway, even though she knew she shouldn't. "She said that he raped her. But I – I don't believe that." It was the truth, mostly. She didn't think she believed what her mother had told her.

Simon tugged on his father's sleeve. "Daddy? What does that mean?"

Olivia didn't hazard a glance at Alex because she knew she wouldn't like what she saw. She leaned toward Joe as he said, "You're a smart girl, Olivia. Your mother lied to you." He took a deep breath. "I'm your father."

Olivia felt her world start to spin. She was suddenly lightheaded, but in a good way. "R-r-really?" she stammered, hardly daring to believe her ears.

He smiled, his eyes wet with tears as he wrapped his arms around Olivia. "You're my little girl."

And that's all she'd ever wanted, she thought as she relaxed in her father's embrace. To be someone's little girl.

**Review for chapter six!**


	6. Chapter 6

Alex was silent on the ride back to their school, her face paler than usual. After Olivia's father had driven off, Olivia turned to Alex. "Are you okay?"

"We went out for lunch with the man who _raped _your mother, Olivia," snapped Alex. "No, I'm not okay."

Olivia was angry now, and she lashed out. "He didn't rape her! She lied to me, just like she lies about everything else. And I would have thought someone as sheltered as you wouldn't even know what rape _was_."

She regretted the words the moment they were out of her mouth and she saw the look of abject pain flash across Alex's face. "You know, Liv, I'm only trying to help," said Alex softly.

"I know, Alex. I'm sorry. It's just – I never knew my father. I've wanted to meet him for so long, and now here he is. And I have a brother too. I've always wanted a brother. So why can't you just be happy for me?"

Alex sighed. "I don't trust him, Olivia. I had a bad feeling about him to begin with. Look, why don't you talk to your mother? Find out why she lied to you – _if _she lied to you."

"I can't," Olivia growled. "You know what she's like. She'll give me a spanking for arguing with her."

Alex's bottomless blue eyes were full of concern. "I know, Livvy. It's just – I don't want you to get hurt."

It would have sounded odd coming from any other nine-year-old, but Alex had always been more mature than their other classmates, which was probably why the two of them gravitated toward each other to begin with.

"I'm going to talk to my mother about it then, Liv. I don't feel comfortable –"

"This isn't your problem, Alex! If you don't want to be a part of it, fine, don't be. But it's my choice, not yours. And it's not even a problem. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

"I'm not going to let you – or myself – get hurt."

"That's not your call to make. If you're my friend, then you'll do this for me."

Alex's baby blues were full of pain. "Then I guess I'm not your friend," she said softly, pulling down her sunglasses in a futile attempt to hide the tears brimming in her eyes.

And she turned and stalked away, tossing her long blonde hair as she did so and trying to pretend it didn't hurt. Olivia could see that it did, in the slight hesitation in her stride, and because she was trying to do the same thing, staring after Alex and pretending she didn't care.

* * *

She walked home by herself after school, and she thought it must be the loneliest thing in the world. She hadn't done this in years, since Alex had had the flu and had been out of school for a week. They'd been friends since kindergarten, and she'd only walked home by herself a handful of times. And when she got home, she flopped down on her bed and cried and cried. She'd lost a friend today, the best friend she'd ever had. All because of a man who'd maybe raped her mother and maybe hadn't.

She shook off the thought. How many rapists cared about their children, after all? And this was her _father_. She'd waited all her life for him to come along and now he was here. He was a real father, too, one who loved her. One who would give her hugs and kisses and hold her when she cried and just be with her. And she had a little brother, too! She'd always wanted a brother. And this new family of hers was more important than a fickle friend. It hurt her to think of Alex that way, but a friend who would turn her back at a time like this wasn't a real friend at all. Alex was wrong, plain and simple.

But there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that said Alex Cabot was never wrong. Olivia had never known Alex to be wrong about _anything _before.

But there was a first time for everything and she was wrong about this.

Still, she decided to take Alex's advice, even if it meant she'd be sore for the next week. She just had to try. She went to her mother's bedroom and hesitated for just a moment before knocking on the door. "Hey, baby," came a slurred voice from her mother's bedroom. She started, but then realized that her mother thought she was the boyfriend _du jour _who'd disappeared last night, never to return. She hoped.

"It's Olivia," she said hesitantly, nervously flexing her fingers.

"Oh." Her mother groaned in disappointment. "Where's – where'd Greggie go?"

Olivia sighed. "He's gone, Mom. Can I come in?"

When she got no answer, she took the lack of response as permission. She paused for just a second before opening the door and perching on the edge of her mother's bed.

Serena Benson was sprawled out on her bed, her eyes red-rimmed. She was clearly drunk. But Olivia had come this far, hadn't she? "Mom," she said reluctantly, not daring to move closer to her mother. "Tell me about my father."

"Wha' 'bout him?" slurred her mother. "He's a rapist. Tha's all ya need to know."

"He raped you?" repeated Olivia, her heart sinking. "Are you sure?"

That earned her an immediate, powerful slap across the face. "Ya arguin' wi' me?" asked Serena, tripping over her words.

Olivia forced herself not to clutch her burning cheek. "No, Mom, I'm just –" Then she stopped, knowing that she couldn't confess why she was really asking. "I think most rapists –"

"Whadda _you _know 'bout rapists?" she interrupted. "Yer just a chil'."

Olivia knew her mother was right, but she didn't want to believe that the man she'd met today was a monster. He _wasn't_. How could he be? He was her father and he loved her! "You're lying," bit out Olivia. It was more than wishful thinking; she believed it.

Her mother hit her again, and Olivia bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. And as her mother rained blow after blow on Olivia's tiny body, she couldn't help the thought that came to mind, that her father would never hit her.

**Review for chapter seven!**


	7. Chapter 7

The next day Olivia walked to school alone. On her way, she passed Alex's house and hesitated before taking off her – _Alex's _– coat and setting it on the steps before hurrying off. The sharp wind bit at her skin, but she couldn't keep something that wasn't hers.

She wasn't in a good mood today. She was in _pain_. Her back ached with the beating she'd received last night, and she had a killer headache. But Joe and Simon would be back today. That gave her something to look forward to, and that made it okay.

She plopped down in a seat toward the back of the room, avoiding Alex's probing eyes as the blonde came in and sat down at her usual seat at the front of the classroom. Olivia deliberately looked away. Alex wasn't her friend anymore. Much as it hurt, she knew she couldn't have Alex telling her parents about Joe. And if she couldn't trust Alex, she wasn't that good a friend anyway.

But Olivia missed her already. There was no one to whisper snarky remarks to during math class and no one to let her copy their homework. There was no one to laugh with and no one to lend her a pencil because her mother wouldn't give her money to go out and buy a new pack. There was just _no one_, period. She was honestly and truly alone.

* * *

Her father picked her up for lunch again, with Simon. "Where's Alex?" he asked.

Olivia shrugged, climbing into the backseat beside Simon. "She didn't want to come today." She turned to her brother. Her _brother_. "How was school, Simon?"

He shrugged. "Good. Yesterday we did arts and crafts and we made smoothies! They were yummy." He beamed at her. "'Livia, you're my _sister_! I always wanted a sister."

She smiled back. "I always wanted a brother."

"Where's Alex?" he asked her.

Olivia shifted uncomfortably. "She didn't feel like coming today." She leaned back against the seat and winced when the welts on her back came into contact with the leather.

Simon caught her grimace. "What's wrong, 'Livia? Did you hurt yourself?"

She shook her head. "I'm okay."

They went out for ice cream again.

"Let's share a strawberry ice cream," suggested Olivia.

"Cool," agreed Simon. "I love strawberry!"

They shared their ice cream and chatted for a bit, then Joe dropped her back at school.

Alex was wrong, plain and simple. Her mother had lied to her. Joe was benign. He loved her, and so did Simon. Now she had a _family_.

* * *

She went out with her father every day at lunch for the next two weeks, and it was great. She missed Alex every single day, but she got used to the solitariness, almost.

But one day after a particularly harsh beating the night before, Olivia dragged herself out of bed and forced herself to sit through school, ignoring the look of concern Alex shot her at her black eye.

When the bell rang for lunchtime, Olivia leapt from her seat as if she'd been shot out of a cannon. She bolted to the black Lexus that she knew would be waiting in the parking lot, climbing in beside Simon.

"What happened to your eye, Liv?" asked her father in concern, glancing at her through the rearview mirror.

She brushed her hair in front of her eye in a futile attempt to hide the bruise. "Nothing."

"Come on, Liv," he said gently. "That looks like it must hurt. What happened?"

Olivia lowered her eyes. "Mom hit me," she muttered. "I walked in on her – with a guy." She blinked back her tears.

"Olivia," said her father quietly. "That isn't okay." He sighed. "I'm not going to let you back there, honey. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Can I – can I stay with you, Daddy?" asked Olivia, hardly daring to believe her ears.

Her father smiled at her. "Sure."

And that was that.

**Review for chapter eight!**


	8. Chapter 8

**My apologies; I know this is another short one. But I thought it belonged as its own chapter because it didn't fit well with the next one. Enjoy!**

Simon and her father picked her up after school that day and she was more than happy to go with them, ignoring Alex's disapproving stare.

"Yay!" said Simon, clapping his hands as Olivia climbed into the backseat beside him. "Livvy gets to come home with us!"

She smiled at him. "Yeah."

They got to her father's house, which was quite a nice place. Nothing on Alex's house, but Joe showed her the guest room, which he said was her room now. Simon was excited to show her his room, which was everything a five-year-old's bedroom should be. Everything that Olivia never had. Stuffed animals covered his bed and there was a bookshelf full of picture books and drawers full of toys. Transformers posters covered the walls and the floor was littered with toy trains and action figures. The room was painted a navy blue.

"You have a nice room," said Olivia politely.

Simon gave her a lopsided smile. "Wanna play dino checkers with me?"

"Sure," she agreed.

They sat down and played checkers for a bit, until a woman came into the room and Simon's face lit up. "Mommy!" he cried as he ran to her and jumped into her arms.

The woman smiled at her little boy and kissed his forehead, then turned to Olivia. "Hi, Olivia. I'm Sharon. I'm Simon's mother. Joe's told me about you, and we're happy to have you."

Olivia smiled. "It's nice to meet you."

Simon grinned at Olivia. "You get to stay with us!"

The four of them had dinner together, chatting and laughing over spaghetti and meatballs, and Olivia had the vague idea that this was what a real family was like. And she was part of one.

After dinner, Simon had a bath and Sharon read him a story before bed. She invited Olivia to join them and she did, curling up beside her brother and listening as Sharon read to him. She tucked him in and gave him a kiss goodnight, then took Olivia's hand and gave her a smile. "It's time for bed for you, too."

Olivia allowed herself to be led to her bedroom and tucked into bed. She smiled as Sharon kissed her forehead and murmured, "Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite."

And that night, she did.

* * *

Her father drove her to school the next day. She had a brand new pack of pencils and a lunch made by Sharon, with a turkey sandwich, an apple, a brownie, and a bottle of water.

Today was going to be the best day she'd had in a long time.

* * *

For the next week, she stayed with her family. Her mother either didn't notice or didn't care. And Olivia was glad.

For the first time in her entire life, she was happy.

**Review for chapter nine!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, I lied. Here's another really short one, because I thought this one belonged by itself. I promise the next one will be longer. Warning for M-rated content ahead.**

She was happy, that is, until Thursday night. After Sharon and he father had said goodnight, she was drifting off to sleep when her bedroom door opened again and her father came inside, perching on Olivia's bed. "Hey, sweetie," he said softly.

She smiled up at him. "Hi, Daddy. What's wrong?"

"I want to show you something," whispered Joe. "I want to show you how daddies love their little girls."

Olivia regarded him a bit hesitantly. "Okay," she agreed.

He gave her a smile and started to pull down his pants, then his boxers.

"What are you doing?" asked Olivia in confusion.

"This is what daddies do. It's going to feel good, honey, I promise."

It didn't. It hurt and Olivia cried, silently, because she never liked other people to see her cry. She didn't like appearing weak. "It hurts, Daddy," she whimpered through her tears.

"It won't when you get good at it, honey. It'll feel good, I promise." He kissed her cheek. "You did so well, baby. So, so well."

And he left Olivia lying there in a bedroom full of shadows and pain, wondering in confusion what had just transpired and what she'd done wrong.

**Review for chapter ten!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm not sure whether I'll be able to update until Sunday or Monday at this point; we're going to New York and not coming back until Sunday, but I may have Internet access. I can't do it on my phone though; I know because I tried! So we'll see. I'm still disappointed that SVU isn't filming, but still, I'm excited. Remember to review!**

Olivia went to school hurting more than she'd ever hurt in her life, physically and emotionally. Her father had hurt her last night more than her mother ever had, and she knew that she couldn't stay there. Going back to her mother was the best option of only bad options. But she knew that if she went "home," she would get the beating of her life. She needed help. She needed someone who cared about her.

She needed _Alex_. Alex was the one who had stood by her side through thick and through thin, through pain and tears and fear. Through it all, she'd been there. She was the best friend Olivia ever had, and now Olivia had pushed her away.

And to add insult to injury, Alex had been _right_. She'd been right about everything. Just as she always was. It was almost irritating to have a friend who was always right, but it was kind of comforting in a way.

She plopped herself down in her old seat, beside Alex, when she got to her classroom.

Alex gave Olivia her iciest glare and tossed her head, turning away from Olivia.

"Alex," said Olivia quietly, feeling worse by the second. "I'm sorry."

Alex's head snapped back. "Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Did you just _apologize_?"

And Olivia burst into tears.

Alex just stared at her, clearly unsure what to do. Olivia knew Alex had never seen her cry before – she'd always been careful to stay strong and hide her fears in front of Alex – but now, she couldn't seem to stop.

And then she felt Alex's arms around her, holding her tight. "What's wrong, Liv?" she asked softly, concern lacing her tone.

"I'm sorry," Olivia managed, aware that they were putting on quite a show for their classmates, bur she couldn't help herself.

And then there was their teacher, kneeling in front of them and asking softly, "Do you need a moment?"

Olivia nodded through her tears and Mrs. Blake nodded understandingly.

"Okay," she said gently. "Take as much time as you need."

Alex helped Olivia to her feet and rested her hands protectively on her friend's shoulders, shepherding her out into the hall.

She sat down beside Olivia, gently rubbing her back, and said quietly, "What happened? Did your mom hurt you again?"

Olivia shook her head. "You were right," she choked out. "About – about everything."

"You mean about your dad?"

Olivia nodded through her tears. She took a deep breath. "He did rape my mom. And I think – I think he did it to me, too."

Alex's hand stilled on her back. "_What_?"

Olivia burst into a fresh round of crying. "I don't know! I – he – it was – I kept going out with him. I'm sorry, Alex. I should have listened to you! But he – he found out my mom was hitting me and he told me to come home with him and I said I would and at first it was good but then last night he came into my room before I went to sleep and he –" She swallowed a sob. "He told me this was how daddies were supposed to love their little girls. And he pulled down his pants and he made me pull down mine and he put – he put – he was – he – it hurt, Alex! It hurt so, so much. More than anything ever hurt in my whole entire life."

Alex hugged her again. "What do you want me to do, Livvy?" she asked softly. "Do you want to tell my mom? You can come home with me and she'll help you."

Olivia just nodded. She was too overwhelmed to say a word.

They stayed like that, Alex comforting Olivia as best she could until her friend's sobs gradually subsided. And Olivia knew that although Alex was the best friend she'd ever had, she could never truly understand the extent of Olivia's pain.

**Review if you want chapter eleven!**


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia went home with Alex after school. She was still in bad shape, but she wasn't hysterical anymore. She was just uncharacteristically silent. Alex took her hand and held it tightly, comforting her in the innocent way that only children can. It made Olivia feel a bit better, but not much.

"I don't feel well," whispered Olivia.

"You can lie down in my room," offered Alex. "Come on."

Olivia mutely followed Alex up to her bedroom. Alex meticulously straightened out the sheets and Olivia lay down on the bed, resting her head on one of Alex's fluffy pillows and closing her eyes, wincing at the pain as she did so. Alex hesitated before lying down beside her, her bottomless blue eyes full of a pain that made Olivia feel nearly as guilty as she felt afraid. Alex was trying so hard, but she didn't know how to help her.

Olivia took a deep breath. She wanted to sit up and tell Alex that she was okay and ask if she wanted to play a game, but she didn't have the strength. She was exhausted and she was hurting, worse than she'd ever hurt in her entire life.

Then she felt Alex's hand take hers again, squeezing it comfortingly. "My mom's going to be home soon," she murmured. "She'll help you."

"Thanks, Alex," whispered Olivia, not trusting her voice.

And then Olivia heard a sniffle. She opened her eyes and rolled over to face Alex. To her horror, she found tears glittering in her friend's eyes like tiny diamonds. "I – I'm sorry, Olivia," said Alex softly, swiping a hand across her eyes.

Olivia shrugged. "For what? You were right."

"But it wasn't worth ruining our friendship over."

"It's not ruined," said Olivia. "We're still friends, right?"

Alex nodded, giving her a watery smile. "Right."

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex as more tears rolled down the blonde's cheeks. "It's okay," said Olivia softly, hugging Alex tightly.

"Alex?"

Both girls looked up to find Mrs. Cabot standing in the doorway, an expression of concern on her face. Olivia immediately began to tremble and slid closer to Alex. She didn't know where she was going to find the strength to do this, but she knew she had to. But she was so afraid!

Mrs. Cabot was by their side in an instant, sitting down on the bed and taking Alex into her arms. "What's wrong, honey?"

Alex rested her head against her mother's shoulder. "It's my fault, Mommy!" she choked out.

Mrs. Cabot gently rubbed Alex's back. "What is it, Alex? What happened?"

Alex lifted her tearstained face and turned to Olivia. "I'm sorry," she whimpered, her mother's presence clearly setting off the floodgates again.

Mrs. Cabot glanced at Olivia. "Olivia? What's wrong?"

Olivia just shook her head. She couldn't talk now, not while Alex was hysterical and her mother was trying to calm her down. Alex was going to be her mother's first priority, not Olivia, and that was the way it should have been. Olivia wasn't going to make a fuss when Alex was so upset.

Alex's mother kissed the crown of her head. "Shh, honey. It's okay," she whispered in Alex's ear. "It's okay. Shh, it's okay. I'm here."

Olivia curled up in a ball and slid as far away from Alex and her mother as she could, trying to ignore the pang of sadness that hit her as she watched them. This was all she'd ever wanted, to be comforted when she cried, to be held and hugged and kissed. To be _loved_. And she couldn't help but feel jealous.

Mrs. Cabot gently stroked Alex's hair and held her until her sobs gradually subsided. Then Alex was limp in her mother's arms, silent save for the occasional sniffle. Her mother sighed and kissed her forehead, rocking Alex gently in her arms.

Olivia looked at the ground and tried not to cry. She felt so awkward, like she was intruding on a private moment between Alex and her mother.

Then Mrs. Cabot looked up and noticed Olivia. "Olivia, what happened?"

Olivia lowered her gaze. "Nothing."

Alex turned to face her friend. "Livvy, tell her."

Olivia buried her head in her hands. "I – I – I can't."

"What is it, honey?" asked Mrs. Cabot, regarding Olivia with concern. "You can tell me. It's okay."

"It's nothing," repeated Olivia stubbornly.

"Please, Liv," begged Alex. "Tell her."

Olivia glared at her. "Don't you tell me what to do."

"But you said you –"

"I changed my mind."

Alex burst into tears again. "Please, Livvy! I don't want you to get hurt anymore. You're my best friend."

"It's not your problem," said Olivia coldly.

Alex swiped futilely at her tears. "You can tell her," she said, trying to make her voice strong although it quavered. "Or I will."

Olivia crossed her arms. "Then I'll leave."

"Where would you go?"

"Not here."

Mrs. Cabot looked from her daughter to Olivia and back. "What happened? What do you need to tell me?"

"Nothing," snapped Olivia. "Absolutely nothing." She glowered at Alex.

Alex wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and moved closer to Olivia, resting her hands on the brunette's shoulders, gently but firmly. Very slowly and deliberately, in a much calmer voice than before, she said, "Olivia Benson, I'm just as stubborn as you are. The offer expires in thirty seconds, and then I'm going to tell my mom what happened. I'm not going to let him hurt you again."

Olivia wanted to smack Alex, but she knew that her friend didn't make empty threats. If she didn't start talking, she knew Alex would. "I found my father and he let me come home with him last week but last night before I went to bed he came into my room and he hurt me and I –"

Mrs. Cabot looked confused. "Start at the beginning, Olivia," she said gently. "Tell me what happened."

"It was a month ago when I met him," Olivia whispered. "I have a little brother. His name is Simon and he's five. Simon came to see me at lunch and we just talked. And then he introduced me to his dad. He said his name was Joe and he took us out for ice cream and to McDonald's."

Mrs. Cabot narrowed her eyes. "Who's _we_?"

"I didn't want to go," said Alex quickly. "But I didn't want to let Olivia go by herself, just in case. I'm sorry, Mommy."

"Don't be mad at her," said Olivia. "I made her come with me. She just wanted to make sure I was okay."

Mrs. Cabot sighed. "I'm not mad, but you know better than to get in a car with a stranger. I'm disappointed, that's all."

"I'm sorry," repeated Alex, climbing into her mother's lap.

"It's okay, sweetie." She gently rubbed Alex's back and turned back to Olivia, prompting her to continue. "So you started going out with him . . ."

She looked at her hands. "Last week he noticed that I'd gotten hurt and he asked me what happened. I told him that my mom hit me and he told me that wasn't okay and he was going to take me home. I went with him. I thought he loved me. And at first – at first it was good and he was nice to me but then last night, he hurt me. He told me – he told me that was how daddies were supposed to love their little girls. But I didn't – it hurt! He pulled down his pants and he made me pull down mine and he was – he was –" She still couldn't say it, so she just settled with the simplest thing to say as she tried to hold back the tears. "It hurt so much!"

And then she felt herself being pulled into a warm hug. Mrs. Cabot seemed to be having difficult speaking as she whispered, "You're going to stay with us tonight, honey. No one's ever going to hurt you ever again, I promise. You're going to be okay."

And armed with this knowledge, wrapped in the arms of someone who cared about her and was going to protect her, Olivia finally allowed herself to cry.

**Review for chapter twelve!**


	12. Chapter 12

That night, Mrs. Cabot put Olivia to bed with Alex. "Our bedroom door is always open if you need _anything_, at any time," she reminded them. "Don't forget that, either of you." She brushed her lips across Alex's forehead and then Olivia's before saying goodnight and leaving the door open a crack, just as Olivia liked it.

Olivia clung to one of Alex's numerous teddy bears, clutching it to her chest and scooting to the edge of the bed. She knew that what had happened to her last night had been wrong, and she felt almost _dirty_, too dirty to share a bed with Alex.

She flinched when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, and felt immediately guilty when she heard Alex's uncertain voice ask, "Livvy? Are you mad at me?" It startled Olivia for a moment, because hesitancy was an emotion she rarely heard from her friend.

"No, I'm not mad," answered Olivia. It was true; she wasn't. Confused, maybe. Ashamed. Afraid. But not mad.

"Are you okay?"

Olivia sighed. "Yeah."

But Alex saw right through her, as she always did. "Is there anything I can do?"

Olivia finally rolled over to face her, fighting her tears. "You can hug me."

And Alex wrapped her arms around her friend, pulling her close and holding her tightly. "No one's going to hurt you, Livvy," she whispered. "I promise."

Olivia slid as close as she could to Alex. Somehow, it helped. It made her feel safe.

She could feel Alex's chest rise and fall as she breathed against Olivia's back and soon she had drifted off to sleep in Alex's arms.

* * *

Olivia woke up in the morning to find a warm body pressed against hers and daylight streaming through the blinds. She panicked for a moment before realizing where she was. She was in Alex's bedroom, lying beneath her pink canopy and holding one of Alex's teddy bears in her arms.

She tensed when she felt Alex stir, but relaxed when Alex took her hand, intertwining their fingers. "'Morning, Livvy," murmured Alex, sitting up and yawning, forcing Olivia to roll over to face her if she didn't want to let go of Alex's hand.

"'Morning," echoed Olivia, then gave Alex a lopsided grin as the blonde stifled another yawn. "Hey, don't do that! Yawning is contagious."

Alex rolled her eyes. "I can't help it. It's a natural reflex!"

"Well, at least _try _to suppress it."

Alex sighed. "I'll try." But her actions contradicted her words as she yawned again.

Olivia sighed, too. "You're just being adversarial now, aren't you?" She smirked, proud at having used a fifty cent word, and the look on her face made Alex laugh.

"I love it when you try to talk like me."

Olivia grinned. "I could never be quite as obnoxious. Hey, it's only 9:00 and I'm on a roll!" Then her own words registered and she sat up straight in bed, letting go of Alex's hand. "We have school. We're late!"

Alex smirked. "It's Saturday."

Olivia rested her head back on one of Alex's pink, fluffy pillows and smiled sheepishly. "Oh."

"Are you planning on going back to sleep?"

Olivia yawned. "No."

Alex lay back down beside her and yawned too. "Me neither."

"Mm." Olivia curled up with Alex's teddy bear again. "Your bed is so comfy."

Alex smiled. "And it's _pink_."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Of course."

Alex hesitated. "You were crying last night. I tried to wake you . . ."

Olivia shifted uncomfortably. "It's okay."

Alex's cobalt eyes were full of sadness. "Can I hug you?"

Olivia nodded, going limp when she felt Alex's arms around her. She took a deep breath and hugged Alex back, struggling to hold back her tears. This felt _good_, being here, surrounded by people who cared about her.

They both looked up when they heard a knock on the bedroom door. "Who is it?" called Alex.

"It's me," answered a voice Olivia recognized as Mr. Cabot's.

"Come in," said Alex.

Mr. Cabot entered the room and Olivia instinctively cringed. Although she knew Alex's father would never hurt her, her body reacted anyway as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Good morning, girls," he said with a smile, kissing Alex's forehead. "Did you sleep well?"

Alex nodded and Olivia shrugged.

"We have banana pancakes for breakfast. How does that sound?"

Alex crawled into her father's lap. "Thank you, Daddy," she said sweetly.

He kissed the crown of her head before turning to Olivia and saying gently, "You're going to stay with us, Olivia. Is that okay?"

She nodded and watched as Alex batted her eyelashes at her father. "Piggyback?"

Alex always got her way when she turned on the charm, and Mr. Cabot smiled indulgently, leaning down so Alex could climb onto his back.

Olivia felt the familiar pang of longing at the simple action. She'd had her chance at this and she'd blown it. She would never have a second one.

Alex giggled, wrapping her arms around her father's neck as he carried her downstairs.

Olivia followed, trying to ignore the throbbing of her heart as she watched the two of them together.

**Review for chapter thirteen!**


	13. Chapter 13

They spent the day lounging around the house, watching movies and playing games. Alex convinced Olivia to look at her new Barbies, even though Olivia had absolutely no interest in doing so. She sat patiently as Alex changed her Barbies into swimsuits and prom dresses and wedding gowns and skinny jeans. Finally, she crossed her arms over her chest and whined, "_Alex_. I'm bored."

Alex looked disappointed. "I want to show you lawyer Barbie."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "That's who you're going to be when you grow up, right?"

Alex nodded proudly as she brushed lawyer Barbie's hair and pinned it up, balancing a pair of black square-framed glasses on the doll's nose. "Beautiful," she approved.

Olivia sighed. "Are we done?"

Alex narrowed her eyes, but obediently put away her Barbies. "Fine. What do you want to do?"

"We could play Disney trivia," she suggested, which just went to show how desperate she was for Alex to get rid of those Barbies, because Alex always won at Disney trivia.

Alex shrugged. "Okay," she agreed, retrieving the game from her closet.

They were halfway through the game when Mrs. Cabot called, "Alex! Olivia! Dinner!"

"We'll finish after," Olivia said as they ran down the stairs to get dinner.

Alex's mother had made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, and it was good, but Olivia couldn't force down more than a few bites.

"I'm sorry," she said softly when she noticed Mrs. Cabot looking at her in concern. "I'm not so hungry.

"It's okay," replied Alex's mother, taking Olivia's plate and putting it in the dishwasher. "Are you feeling all right?"

Olivia nodded. "I'm okay." She folded her hands and waited for Alex to finish her dinner before they went upstairs to finish their game.

* * *

When it was bedtime, Mrs. Cabot started to set Olivia up in the guest bedroom, but Alex said, "Mommy, can't Olivia stay with me?"

Her mother looked surprised and turned to Olivia. "Do you want to stay with Alex?"

Olivia clasped her hands behind her back and nodded.

Mrs. Cabot smiled. "Okay. Alex, would you please get Olivia a pair of pajamas she can wear tonight?"

Alex nodded and rummaged around in her closet before coming up with some pajamas for her friend. She handed them to Olivia. "You can change in the washroom," she offered.

Alex had her own en suite washroom and Olivia went to change, glad that she could be afforded a bit of privacy. It wasn't that she didn't want Alex to see the fading bruises – Alex had seen them before – but for some reason, she was still embarrassed, even though she knew she shouldn't be.

When she came out, Alex was already changed into her pink Disney princess nightgown and tucked into bed, clutching one of her American Girl dolls to her chest.

Olivia climbed up on the bed beside her, lying down next to her friend.

Mrs. Cabot kissed Alex's forehead, then Olivia's. "Goodnight, girls," she said.

"'Night, Mommy," whispered Alex groggily.

"'Night," echoed Olivia.

"Our door's going to be open tonight. Come to us if either of you need absolutely anything, okay?"

"Okay," agreed Alex.

"Mm hm," said Olivia noncommittally.

Mrs. Cabot went back to her own room, leaving the door slightly ajar. Olivia shifted on the bed to get more comfortable, but there was a doll pressing into her back and she couldn't.

"Roll over," Olivia ordered. "Your doll is pushing against me and it kind of hurts."

Alex giggled. "Fine." She obediently turned over. "Better?"

Olivia nodded. "Yeah. But I don't get how you sleep like that. I mean, a teddy bear I get. They're squishy, but dolls are _hard_."

Alex laughed. "You just think they're too feminine."

"Maybe," Olivia admitted. "What nine-year-old uses words like 'feminine'? I would just say 'girly'."

"'Feminine' is the right word," Alex informed her.

Olivia yawned. "You know what? It's 10:00. I don't want to discuss the nuances of the English language right now."

Alex chuckled. "You used a fifty cent word after nine. Impressive, Liv. You're a quick learner."

Olivia laughed, too. "Shut up."

"Goodnight, Liv."

"'Night, Alex."

* * *

_His hand was between her legs and it hurt so much, but she couldn't say a word. She tried not to cry, but there was so much pain, and she couldn't quite stop a few tears from escaping. "Stop, please," she whispered. "It hurts."_

_But he wouldn't and there was blood, so much blood, so much pain, so much hurting, so much fear and she couldn't scream, couldn't speak, couldn't think, couldn't breathe –_

* * *

"Liv, Liv!" Olivia started awake to her shoulders being shaken. She immediately cringed and pulled away, her body tensing, but she relaxed when she realized it was just Alex.

"Sorry," she whispered.

Alex wrapped her arms around her trembling friend. "It's okay, Livvy. It was just a dream."

But Olivia was shaking so hard that she barely heard Alex. She buried her head in her hands and tried to hold back the tears.

She felt Alex rise from the bed. "I'm going to get my mom, Livvy. I'll be right back."

Olivia tried to get herself under control, but she couldn't quite manage it. She was shivering so hard that she was finding it difficult to breathe. She was absolutely terrified.

And then she felt the damp spot on Alex's pink princess sheets. She'd wet the bed. Wonderful.

She was more embarrassed than she'd ever been in her entire life. She hadn't wet the bed since she was three years old, and here she was, at her best friend's house, in her best friend's _bed_. She'd wet her friend's bed. That was just awful.

She got up and started to strip off the bed, but she hadn't gotten far when Alex and her mother appeared in the doorway. Mrs. Cabot knelt down so they were eye level and wrapped her arms around Olivia, trying to ease the shuddering of her small body. "It's okay, honey. Let me do that."

"I'm s-sorry," whimpered Olivia, ducking her head in shame. She knew Alex's mother wouldn't hurt her, but she had to say it anyway. "Please don't punish me. I didn't mean to!"

Mrs. Cabot hugged her tightly. "It happens sometimes, Olivia, and I would never punish you for something you can't help. I understand. Let me take care of it."

Olivia nodded shakily and Alex's mother let go of her, stripping the bed and carrying the sheets to the laundry room.

Alex grabbed Olivia a fresh pair of pajamas and she went into the washroom to change. When she came out, she looked up at Alex, her eyes betraying her fear. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

Alex hugged her. "It's okay. Mommy will change the sheets."

"But I woke you up."

"That's okay. We can sleep late tomorrow."

Olivia smiled a bit. "You would sleep late every day if your parents let you."

"I don't understand why you wouldn't."

Just then, Mrs. Cabot returned with fresh sheets. "Alex, would you help me make up the bed?"

Alex nodded and helped her mother put the new sheets on the bed.

Her mother kissed her forehead. "Thank you, sweetheart." She turned back to Olivia. "Do you want me stay with you until you fall asleep?"

Olivia shook her head. "I'm okay." She didn't want to put Mrs. Cabot out. She'd already woken her up in the middle of the night and made her change their sheets. Alex's mother was being so good to her, and she didn't deserve it. She was dirty, too dirty to share a bed with Alex now. She'd wet the bed, and there was the proof.

Mrs. Cabot tucked the girls back into bed and kissed their foreheads. "'Night," she told them.

"'Night," Alex echoed sleepily.

Olivia didn't say a word.

As soon as Alex's mother had left, Olivia climbed out of bed and lay down on the floor, curling up in a ball and hugging her knees to her chest. She was too dirty to share a bed with Alex. Alex was such a good friend, and Olivia didn't deserve it. She shouldn't have even talked to Alex in the first place. It wasn't right.

Alex climbed out of bed, too. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," murmured Olivia. "Go back to sleep."

Alex held out her hand. "Come on, Livvy."

"I don't want to, okay? It's comfy here."

Alex lay down beside Olivia and wrapped her arms around her friend. "Then I'll sleep here, too."

**Review for chapter fourteen!**


	14. Chapter 14

When Olivia woke up in the morning, she panicked at first, not knowing where she was. Then she relaxed, remembering she was in Alex's bedroom. And then she felt bad, realizing that Alex had slept on the cold, hard floor with her, just because she felt so dirty and was scared she was going to wet the bed again. She was such a good friend and Olivia knew she didn't deserve her.

Alex felt Olivia stir and looked at her. "Good morning," she whispered.

"'Morning," echoed Olivia, not meeting Alex's eyes.

Alex knew her too well and noticed her hesitation. "What's wrong, Liv?"

"Nothing." She mindlessly traced a spot on the carpet with her fingers. "You didn't have to sleep here with me."

"I know. But I wanted to."

"Why?"

The sadness reflected in Alex's deep blue eyes mirrored her own. "I love you, Livvy," she said simply. "You're my best friend."

Olivia gave Alex a hug. "You're my best friend, too, Lexxy."

Alex smiled. Olivia hadn't called her "Lexxy" in years. "Let's get back into my bed before my mom comes in and asks why we're on the floor."

Olivia nodded and let Alex pull her up onto the bed. She rested her head on the pillow and felt Alex's warm arms wrap around her again. Olivia leaned back against her friend and tried not to cry at how safe she felt, here with Alex.

Sure enough, there was a knock on the door a few moments later. Alex stifled a yawn. "Who is it?"

"It's me," called her mother.

"Come in."

Mrs. Cabot smiled at the girls and sat down beside Alex on the bed, gently rubbing her back. "Did you sleep okay, honey?"

Alex glanced at Olivia and slowly nodded. "Mommy, can Olivia stay with us?"

"For now," agreed Mrs. Cabot.

"And after?"

Olivia rolled over to face Alex. "I'm right here, you know."

"Sorry," said Alex, although there was no real contrition in her tone. "But you could be my sister! I always wanted a sister, and you're already my best friend."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You'd get tired of me."

Alex shrugged. "I doubt it."

"You would," Olivia assured her.

Alex ignored Olivia and turned to her mother. "Mommy, can she?"

"I don't know, honey. I don't think it works that way."

Alex put on her most serious expression. "You could make it work. If Olivia doesn't have anywhere else to go, then there will be a hearing to decide where she stays, and you can offer to let her stay with us, and they'll probably agree. Then you can try to adopt her. She can be my sister!"

Mrs. Cabot laughed. "Where did all this come from?"

"I read it in a book. If I'm going to be a lawyer someday, I'm going to need to know this sort of thing, and starting early is always a good thing."

Olivia smirked. "Law school isn't for, what, twelve more years?"

Alex shrugged. "So?"

"So you're a nerd."

"Thank you," said Alex with a smile. She looked back at her mother, her baby blues imploring. "Mommy?"

"Would you like to stay with us, Olivia?" asked Mrs. Cabot.

Olivia considered. She would love to stay in this warm, happy family who loved each other and might someday learn to love her, too. But she didn't deserve that kind of love and she didn't want to impose upon them. But Alex was her best friend, and she probably spent more time at Alex's house than she did her own. "Okay," she finally agreed.

"Then I'll look into it," said Alex's mother. "But I'm not making any promises, okay?"

Alex didn't seem to hear the last part of her mother's sentence. She grinned and wrapped her arms around Olivia. "We're going to be sisters!" she squealed.

"Maybe." Olivia didn't want to set herself up for disappointment, but she couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement at the thought that she might be able to really have a family of her own. But things that seemed too good to be true usually were, and she didn't want to get her hopes up.

Alex hugged Olivia tightly. "Mommy will take care of it."

Olivia sighed and rolled over, extricating herself from Alex's grasp. "I wish I could live in your world."

"You _can_."

But that wasn't quite how Olivia had meant it.

**Review to find out what happens next!**


	15. Chapter 15

Alex gave Olivia a pair of jeans and a hoodie to wear and left her alone to get dressed. Olivia really wanted to take a shower, but she knew that no matter how hard she scrubbed, she'd never be able to feel clean again. The dirtiness engulfing her was on the inside, and nothing could ever erase it. She wondered if she were cut open, a doctor would be able to pinpoint the black knot twisting in her stomach and remove it, and then she could be clean again. But she didn't want to get Alex's washroom dirty. She didn't even really want to be here, because she felt as though she was getting Alex's bedroom dirty too, the grime emanating from her core.

She gingerly changed into Alex's clothes, then curled up in the corner of the bedroom, trying to take up as little space as possible.

Alex came out of the washroom a moment later, her damp hair pulled into a tight ponytail. She knitted her brows when she saw Olivia and crossed the room to sit down beside her, crossing her legs. She took Olivia's hand in her icy ones. "Your hands are always so warm," she complained.

Well, that wasn't what Olivia had been expecting. "No, it's just that your hands are always so cold."

Alex shrugged. "So is my nose. And my feet. Apparently, it's genetic. My mom's the same way."

"That's nice." Olivia was too absorbed in her own misery and pain and fear right now to think about Alex, but she wasn't about to say so. She didn't know how to communicate the throbbing that remained between her legs, even after nearly two days. She didn't know how to explain the pain that was wrenching her heart out right now, slowly but surely eating away at it.

Alex slid closer to her friend. "Are you okay?"

"Stop asking me that," Olivia snapped.

The deflated look on Alex's face made her feel immediately guilty. "I'm sorry," whispered Alex. "It's just . . ." For once, Alex Cabot didn't know what to say. She just wrapped her arms around Olivia and held her close.

Olivia rested her head on her friend's shoulder, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than she'd felt in as long as she could remember. No words passed between them, but none were needed. The sentiment was there and Olivia heard it: that Alex was there for her, no matter what.

A/O/A/O

Olivia didn't really feel like leaving the corner, much less than Alex's bedroom, but Alex managed to coax her downstairs into the family room to watch a video. Olivia huddled in the corner of Alex's couch, trying to make herself invisible, and although Alex regarded her with concern, she didn't say a word. She held tightly to Olivia's hand as the movie played on the huge flat screen television. Olivia loved watching TV with Alex, simply because the screen was so large, and she had so many channels. 742, to be exact, not counting the music channels and pay-per-view. Alex's parents always let the two of them watch whatever they wanted on pay-per-view.

About halfway through the movie, Mr. Cabot came into the room. Olivia instinctively curled further into her corner as he sat down on the couch and pulled Alex onto his lap, kissing the crown of her head. "What are you watching, honey?" he murmured.

Alex put a finger to her lips. "_The Bee Movie_," she whispered.

He gently rubbed her back. "Mind if I sit with you?"

Alex shook her head, curling up against her father and resting her head on his shoulder. "Love you, Daddy."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Love you, too, baby girl."

Alex beamed. "Now, shh. We're watching the movie."

Olivia moved as far away from them as she possibly could, nearly falling off the couch in the process. But Alex wasn't watching her friend. She was more interested in the movie and the attention her father was paying her. Olivia wanted to tell Alex to be careful, that good men could turn bad in the blink of an eye and hurt their little girls in ways they could never have imagined. But she couldn't find the words. It was Alex who was good at expressing her feelings, not her.

She couldn't stand to watch the two of them anymore. "I'm going to the washroom," she said quietly, sliding off the couch and padding toward the bathroom. Neither Alex nor her father paid her any attention.

She washed her hands over and over, but she couldn't quite get clean. The dirtiness was on the inside, not the outside.

Then she had an idea. She tiptoed to Alex's bedroom and rummaged around in her desk for a pair of scissors. When she found one, she went back into the washroom and pulled down her pants. She jabbed the blade into her right thigh where her father's hands had caressed her, biting back her scream as it cut into her flesh. She pushed further, as if maybe she could remove the dirty part of her with the blade if she cut deep enough.

Blood trickled down her thigh onto the white tiles of the washroom floor, emphasizing Olivia's dirtiness like a scarlet letter. Silent tears seeped down her cheeks and she cried as she pulled out the scissors and plunged them into her other thigh. Maybe in the end, the temporary pain would be worth it.

But it hurt so much, so much that Olivia couldn't suppress the shriek that was bubbling in her throat, and she cried out. But still, she didn't take her hand off the scissors.

Alex and Mr. Cabot both came running. The bathroom door was flung open and she heard a gasp as Alex's father grabbed the scissors and held them out of her reach, pulling Olivia into his arms and holding her tightly, putting his hand on her thigh to quell the flow of blood. "Alex, go get the first aid kid!"

Alex hastened to do as her father had told her, grabbing the first aid kit and handing it to him.

"Olivia, honey," he said gently, but with a touch of alarm seeping into his voice. "What were you doing?"

She stayed perfectly still, not daring to move a muscle for fear that Mr. Cabot might hurt her as her own father had. Sure, they all pretended to be nice, but they weren't, not really. Maybe all fathers hurt their little girls. "I'm sorry," she whispered through her tears.

"It's okay, honey," he soothed, pressing a towel to Olivia's cuts. It quickly turned red, soaked through with her blood.

"Here, Daddy," said Alex softly, handing him the first aid kit. She wrapped Olivia into a warm hug. "What happened, Livvy?"

Olivia burst into a fresh round of sobbing. "Dirty," was all she could manage as Mr. Cabot started to bandage up her wounds.

"No, honey," said Mr. Cabot quietly. "What he did to you wasn't your fault. It _wasn't_."

"Yes, it was," whispered Olivia, swiping a hand across her eyes. "I thought – I thought if I could –" She didn't know how to explain it, so she stopped trying. She pulled her pants back up over her bandages and cried.

"What is it, Liv? What can I do?" asked Alex, concern shining in her baby blues.

"Nothing," murmured Olivia, shaking her head. She hated being so needy and upsetting Alex so much. She was scaring her friend. This just wasn't right.

Alex hugged her tightly. "It's okay," she whispered.

No, it _wasn't_. Olivia hated feeling so vulnerable. She never used to cry, but now she couldn't seem to stop.

Alex took Olivia's hand and led her to her bedroom, pulling Olivia onto the bed beside her and wrapping her arms around her friend. "It's okay," she repeated. "You're always so strong for me, Livvy. Let me be strong for you now."

"I'm scared," said Olivia softly. Here it was, out in the open, her fear. She'd never admitted to being afraid before, but it felt strangely liberating to do so.

"It's okay to be scared sometimes," Alex told her, and Olivia could tell that she was just echoing something her mother had once said, but it was comforting all the same.

"I know, but –" She swallowed a sob. "It hurts!"

"What does?"

Olivia buried her head in her hands. She couldn't say it. Alex was just a child and it wasn't fair to bestow such responsibility upon her. She wouldn't understand. She wouldn't know how to deal with it anymore than Olivia did and it would hurt her just as much as it was hurting Olivia.

She curled up in a ball, burying her head in her knees as she rocked back and forth, sobbing even harder as she felt Alex's arms wrap around her, holding her close as she cried.

**Review for chapter sixteen!**


	16. Chapter 16

After what may have been a few hours or just a few minutes, there was a knock on the door. Olivia tensed, but Alex held her more tightly and murmured, "It's okay."

"It's me," called a voice Olivia recognized as Mrs. Cabot's. "Can I come in?"

Alex hesitated before answering, "Yes."

Olivia managed to smile to herself. Alex was the only nine-year-old she knew who said _yes _instead of _yeah_, because "yeah isn't a real word; it's slang and educated people don't use slang."

Mrs. Cabot slowly opened the door and came inside, perching on the bed beside Olivia and gently rubbing her back. "How are you doing, sweetie?" she asked.

Olivia looked at the ground. She didn't know how to answer. She didn't know what Mrs. Cabot wanted to hear.

"What you did with the scissors really scared us, Olivia," she said quietly. "Can you tell me why you did that?"

Olivia shook her head and buried her face in Alex's shoulder. Alex, who had been there for her all this time. She truly had the best friend in the whole world. "I'm sorry," she whispered, although she wasn't sure if she was directing her words at Alex or her mother.

"It's okay, sweetie. You're not going to get into any trouble. We're just concerned," said Mrs. Cabot.

But Olivia couldn't explain why she'd done what she'd done. If she said the words out loud, that would make them true. And she was afraid. She was more afraid than she'd been in her entire life.

"Mommy," whispered Alex, letting go of Olivia and holding her arms out to her mother.

That was all it took. Mrs. Cabot pulled Alex into her lap and rocked her gently back and forth, and Olivia had to look away. She would always come second, as it should be. Alex would always be the most important thing to her mother and her well being would always come first.

"It's okay, Alex," murmured Mrs. Cabot, tenderly kissing the crown of her head. "You're okay."

But Olivia wasn't. She _wasn't _okay and she wasn't sure she would ever be okay again.

Alex climbed out of her mother's arms and hugged Olivia again. "Tell my mom what happened," she told Olivia.

But Olivia couldn't. If Mrs. Cabot knew how dirty she was, she wouldn't want Olivia to stay in her house and contaminate it and her daughter, and if Alex knew, she wouldn't want to be Olivia's friend anymore. She hadn't managed to rid herself of the dirtiness inside her. So she just shook her head.

"Honey, tell me what happened," urged Mrs. Cabot.

Olivia scrunched her eyes shut and pressed her hands to her ears. "Leave me alone!"

"Okay, okay," soothed Alex's mother, gently taking Olivia's hands in her own. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but if you do, I'm here. And Olivia, scissors aren't toys. You can hurt yourself really badly."

Sometimes adults just didn't understand. How could Olivia explain that that was the whole _point_? If she cut deep enough, she would reach the dirtiness inside her and then she would be clean again.

"How about I put the movie back on for you girls?"

Alex looked at Olivia, who slowly nodded her head, conceding for now. She knew she wasn't going to get anywhere near a pair of scissors or anything sharp for now. But later, when everyone else was asleep, then she could try again. Maybe if she got rid of the dirty thing inside her, she'd be able to stay with Alex. She could be a normal kid again, a _good _kid. That was what she desperately wanted.

Alex and Olivia went back into the family room to finish the movie they'd started watching. Olivia squirmed around on the couch, too restless to really concentrate on the video. Her thighs were hurting so much that she thought she might bleed to death beneath the bandages, and the pain made it impossible to stay still for long. But she deserved the pain she was feeling now. She'd done it to herself, after all.

"Stay still," Alex finally snapped. "I'm trying to watch the movie!"

Olivia stilled immediately. "Sorry."

Alex's expression softened. "Does it hurt, Liv? My dad can –"

Olivia shook her head. "I'm okay."

Alex was watching her out of the corner of her eye. She paused the movie and turned to Olivia. "Why did you do it, Livvy?"

"Why did I do what?" she asked, even through she knew perfectly well what Alex was talking about.

"Why did you hurt yourself?"

Olivia shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. Could you please just forget about it?"

"But, Liv –"

"No 'but Liv'. What part of 'I don't want to talk about it' don't you understand?"

"The 'don't' part," answered Alex dryly. Then to Olivia's surprise, Alex's deep blue eyes filled with tears. "That was a really stupid thing to do, Livvy. What if you'd cut too deep? You could have died. And I don't want to lose my best friend!"

Olivia reached out to hug Alex. "That's not going to happen."

Alex looked up through frightened glassy eyes. "How do you know?"

"That wasn't the _point_."

"Then what _was_?"

Olivia buried her head in her hands and finally whispered, "I wanted to get the dirtiness out."

Alex's eyes were pools of sadness. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. "Why?" she finally asked.

Olivia sighed, leaning toward Alex. "It's _inside_ me."

Alex didn't know what to say. She just wrapped her arms around Olivia and held her tightly. It was all she could do.

**Review for chapter seventeen!**


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